


feelings and places you once brought to life

by VagabondDawn



Category: Dreaming of Sunshine - Silver Queen
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Gardens, Dimension Travel, Gen, Imported from Dreamwidth, Silver Queen's Dreaming of Sunshine Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-29 14:57:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17205521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VagabondDawn/pseuds/VagabondDawn
Summary: What happens when you can't go home? What happens when the journey is over?





	feelings and places you once brought to life

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [the dark fire will not avail you](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14871546) by [wafflelate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wafflelate/pseuds/wafflelate). 



> Fic based on [](https://wafflelate.dreamwidth.org/profile)[wafflelate](https://wafflelate.dreamwidth.org/)'sGardens!Shikako (post-Split).  
> Music: ["Vagabond" (feat. FJØRA) // Produced by Tommee Profitt](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fomj9DQ8vts&list=RDfomj9DQ8vts&start_radio=1)

\- 

[Where is your home, vagabond?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fomj9DQ8vts&list=RDfomj9DQ8vts&start_radio=1)

[Where is your home when it all is done?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fomj9DQ8vts&list=RDfomj9DQ8vts&start_radio=1)

\- 

_One day, they'll tell the story like this: There was a god and a girl and a quest, a journey to return home. The story will say – the road was long and hard, but she made it, in the end. She won, vanquished the evil, and got a joyful hero's welcome home._

_That's the happy ending – the storybook, the fairy-tale, the Aesop. The one that ties the ends neatly into a bow, comes a full circle, satisfies it's premise._

_The other versions of the story go like this: there is a god and a girl and a quest. She wins, vanquishes evil and cannot turn back._

_She keeps walking forward, endlessly wandering._

_-_

Gelel drops Shikako in the Land of Hot Springs for the last time. She takes it in, the wild forest, the small town, the way that the shrine is small and humble – the Jashinists haven't yet started expanding for their rituals. 

She knows she isn't home. She knows she's not the lucky one. 

She isn't the Shikako that gets to go home. 

_Disappointment_ is too shallow a word but _grief_ is too large to fit inside her lungs, so she sets it aside. There are still actions to take, and actions come easy, especially by now. 

This is not the first time she has killed the temple full of Jashinists. This is not the first time she has burnt it all to the ground. The place is damp and cold with late winter snow, but her fire jutsu burn white hot enough to scorch the place bare anyway, purification of a sort. 

She watches it burn with hooded, shadowed eyes, then walks away, leaving no footprints in the snow. 

\- 

Gelel is _nearly_ awake as she approaches, the here-and-everywhere connection through universes strengthened enough to make it feel like a restless sleeper in the hold of a dream. 

All Shikako has to do is make that last, insignificant, change. She wonders, as she touches the heartstone, what would happen if she tried to go on? If there is now a Shikako in every world, is there anywhere for her to go _onwards_ to? Would she simply fade into Gelel? Would she cease to exist? 

Would she die? 

The garden erupts around her, as beautiful and as safe as always. 

And as empty. 

There is only Shikako and Gelel in the garden. It is their domain. Nothing happens here that is not created by the two of them. 

If that had been enough for her, she would have remained starlight. 

When she leaves, she takes the Gelel heartstone with her. If she left any footprints in the sand, the desert would swallow them for her anyway. 

\- 

Konoha isn't even a dream yet, but Shikako stands atop the cliff and looks out to where her home should be – will be one day. 

There's nothing there for her. Not yet, not yet, and she'll do more than wait for it. 

When she goes, the leaves don't even rustle in her wake. 

\- 

She wanders, but her feet drag her inexorably east, the reverse of her normal path, as though she's stuck in rewind. Or maybe she's retracing that first fateful trip – Konoha to Hot Springs, the one that started it all. 

Spring is starting, by the time she arrives. The snow has melted, flowers starting to bloom and cherry blossom petals filling the air in a pink, drifting haze. 

By the temple, the ground is still black and charred, but green shoots are peaking out through the ash and dirt. 

Even here, things grow. 

Even here, after Shikako razed it. Even here, after decades of Jashinists pressing hatred and malice into the world. 

What does grass care about gods? 

She crouches down and touches it, gently, gingerly. In her pocket, the Gelel heartstone is as heavy as a galaxy. 

\- 

_They say in the forests of Land of Hot Springs, there's a garden that blooms all year round, where the fruit is always growing and plentiful._

_They say there's a natural spring, where the water is hot and sweet and can cure any ailment in existence._

_You can't find it by any normal means, even those who have been there before can never return. But they say there's a spirit, in the forest, and if you get lost, if you try to take shelter from a storm, if you are fleeing men with swords, then she'll find you and take you to it._

_And when the storm is past, when the men are gone, when it's safe to go home, she'll walk you out of the forest to safety._

_And they say, if it's never safe to return, then she lets you stay._

\- 

The second Shikako is… a surprise. 

They stare at each other warily, same face, same body and mind and history and yet – slightly different. Diverged at the end point, changed by different actions. 

The second Shikako is warier, confused, ready to fight. 

"Well, that answers what happens if we use Gelel again," the first Shikako says, deliberately casual. She turns her back, calls over her shoulder. "You should come have something to eat!" 

She doesn't ask, doesn't press or question or particularly think too hard about what has happened to the other Shikako. Clearly – the world she landed in was insufficient. Clearly – she left. 

It's enough. 

"Why here?" The second Shikako asks. "Of all places… why _here_?" 

They aren't the types to stew in their trauma, prefer to ignore it and move on. Of all the places Shikako could have set down to _live in_ , why Hot Springs. 

She thinks about how to formulate her answer. It's hard – she hasn't had to vocalise it. The only people who know enough to even ask that question are her and Gelel. 

"It's not enough to win," she says, at length. "I shut the door, but I'm going to erase him from here too. He doesn't get to keep this place." 

She's going to overwrite him. She's going to be petty and spiteful and use that to be _kind_ and help people until the world balances out. 

It's not easy. Kindness is always harder than killing. 

"Huh," says the second Shikako. But she doesn't leave. And that's an answer too. 

\- 

The third Shikako is blank and cold and full of the deepest shadows. She doesn't ask _why here_. Doesn't ask anything. 

But she stays too. 

"One is happenstance, two is coincidence," the second Shikako says, pointing to herself, " _three_ is-" 

_Three is enemy action_ she means to say. 

"Three is a clan," the first Shikako corrects. "Welcome home." There's a long silence as they all think about _home_. "Also, we're really going to need to pick individual names because this is getting ridiculous. I dibs 'Ichigo'." 

\- 

[Where is your home, vagabond?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fomj9DQ8vts&list=RDfomj9DQ8vts&start_radio=1)


End file.
